


Holding On And Letting Go

by NostalgicUncertainty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Romance, Dean/OC - Freeform, Demon Dean, F/M, Mark of Cain, Protectiveness, Self-Sacrifice, Spoilers, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-07-19 13:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7362694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NostalgicUncertainty/pseuds/NostalgicUncertainty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mariam finds herself in the Supernatural universe one day and her life is forever changed and intertwined with the Winchester boys. Having feelings for Dean which she hadn't confessed, she saves him from his demons by calling them upon herself. Sometimes all there is left to do is holding on and letting go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Catch

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I haven't written on here in years. I've posted a few fics on Tumblr though. My blog is nostalgic-uncertainty. I'm going to be posting them here :D For the full experience, listen to; Warning Sign by Coldplay and also What If by Coldplay.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone you recognize except for my OC.

She watched as the the water ran through the shampoo she lathered into his now clean hair that appeared much darker in it's moist state. The strong calming floral scent of the product slightly relaxed her, but not completely.

"You better not be making me smell all girly, Mariam." He jokingly threatened her in a low tone which as usual, made her giggle, that managed to ease her nerves.

Dean was currently forced to sit down in one of her fluffy mint chairs in her equally colorful bathroom. His hair was slimy and just EW after a gruesome hunt. He had no energy to shower and wanted to get some shut eye right away, so she had graciously offered to wash his hair for him. The shower could wait.

"Don't worry Bean. You're in safe hands."

Once Mariam was extremely sleepy following a 16 hour drive from a lengthy, tedious hunt. She crashed into the dusty motel sofa first thing after running out of Baby's backseat. Even though she didn't drink, she was as good as drunk. Next thing she knew, she was laughing her ass off over a piece of bread, (there was nothing else to eat in the room at 4 am) and calling Sam and Dean; Ham and Bean. The nicknames have never left her tongue since then and needless to say, when Crowley found out about this, he was beyond pleased. His monkey, as he called you, had just became his favorite Hunter. Sorry Squirrel.

"Really?" He raised his right eyebrow in his signature Dean way. "'Cause it sure smells like a friggin' garden in here and I don't see any flowers!"

"Relax drama queen, you're out of your manly shampoo, but there's still some conditioner left, that'll rugged-ify the lavender."

"Rugged-ify? That's not even a wo-"

"Hush!" She shut him up with a grin.

He went silent with wide eyes. She faked a serious look and ordered again, "Close your eyes." His breathtaking green eyes immediately closed.

"And don't you dare tell Ham!"

A sinister smirk formed on his plump lips.

Back when Mariam first encountered the Winchesters, she was zapped into their universe all of a sudden landing on Baby's hood, and causing a dent.

_She had gotten down and brushed off her dark, skinny jeans when she realized where she was. Seeing Baby she knew it had to be Supernatural, she just couldn't bring herself to digest it. That's when two really tall men dressed in suits briskly walked out the adjacent building. She had stopped breathing when she turned around and faced them._

_Hazel, puppy-dog eyes, long brown hair. Most beautiful pair of green eyes you've ever seen in your life, paired with light brown, blondish short locks, and pouty lips._

_She remained as still as a statue even when they noticed her._

_"Who the hell are you? Why are you leaning against Ba- IS THAT A DENT?! WHAT THE HE-"_

_"Dean… Calm down." Sam tried to put a hand on his shoulder all the while having his eyes on the young and mysterious woman, trying to figure her out._

_The word dent had caused her to look down on the exquisite creature that was the 1967 Chevy Impala. The subject of her many driving dreams. Yup she had them, only for two cars, the other being an Aston Martin DB9. Even though she was a female, she had always wanted to be suave and as cool as James Bond, and after growing up, she wanted to be Tony Stark. I know, that's weird, because she was quite the girly girl most of the time._

_"Oh God no! I'm so sorry! Oh Baby! I hurt Baby!? No fuck no!" Her eyes almost teared up. She rarely cried, but Baby meant a lot to her, Being a fan of the show since the beginning. Speaking of show, she had no idea how she was taking all of this in so well._

_Sam and Dean, stared at her, with their jaws hanging._

_"Mind telling me what the heck is going on?"_

After explaining everything to them at a local diner, they surprisingly believed her story also letting her into the family day by day. Shortly following these events, she had found a DB9 parked outside the motel she and the boys were staying at once somewhere in Kansas, it was in perfect condition, looked brand new and hopefully was, it contained all her precious phone and earphones that she couldn't live without. Thinking that was it, she started to celebrate like crazy, jumping up and down with joy until her eyes landed on the back seat and open trunk.

There lay all of her favorite clothes, shoes, accessories, and belongings. Even her nail polish collection and nail-care kit. Along with various other favorite things from her room that held fond memories.

The boys were surprised to know her stuff had crossed over as well, but when they found out her dream car had magically appeared along with it. Their eyes were about to burst out of their heads, and that was a rare occurrence for the Winchesters alright.

The link to her dimension and life though, was hidden and there was no information available.

Mariam had met Bobby and Cas the second week of being with the boys and it didn't take them much time to warm up to her. Somehow trust was given honestly and freely to her, much to her relief. They tried doing whatever they could to solve the mystery of her sudden appearance but couldn't.

Cas said there was nothing about this in Heaven and Crowley, as strange as this sounds, had tried to dig in hell for some clues, only to come up empty. It took a while for her to accept it, but she had come to terms with possibly never seeing her loved ones again and moved on. This was her life now. Missing them wouldn't bring em back she thought.

She remembered each and every part of her time back home, in her own dimension in which Supernatural was a hit TV show, and she was a senior high school student about to graduate and attend Engineering or Business school (you weren't sure).

The parts missing from her memory though were of the shows events. She recognized the characters, but had no clue of the future and what it held. She just knew of the past. Her knowledge of a lot of the supernatural lore helped the boys a lot, and they used her assistance whenever they could. However, she couldn't fight, and that was the reason she mostly stayed and did research at the beginning. Until she started feeling like a dead weight and tagged along.

Her sheer bravery and odd power of persuasion led her to negotiate and be respected by the countless powerful villains encountered so far. It also earned her the faith of Team Free Will and so she was eventually awarded equal rights to a hunt or anything dangerous. Which knowing the Winchesters meant everything.

She had always known she was a Dean girl. She remembered how she had a crush on Sam, Cas, Gabriel, Crowley, Kevin, even John for God's sake (you were quite the fan girl), but could not deny how Dean always came first. No matter what. Living with him in real life now, she completely fell in love with him.

The fact that she has spent years with the man, been through hell and back literally. Been ripped apart, disappointed in Sam for letting go, and did everything in her power to find him when he poofed along with Cas to purgatory. The first time he had died due to Lillith's hellhounds was no easy deal either. She had cried rivers, and hopped into her own Baby going solo. She then proceeded to recklessly threw herself into every hunt there was with no break or sleep whatsoever as she grieved. Sam had always noticed things like these and was aware of her intense bond with his brother, but being the gentleman he is, never shared this with her, let alone with Dean.

Deep down she believed that Dean belonged with Lisa. They made the perfect family with Ben. Even though it ached to be away from him, she told herself again and again that when you love 'em, you gotta let 'em go.

Recently, the gang has been going through the worst of times ever.

Every night when she shuts her eyes, she finds herself back in the dark, dirty surroundings, covered in bruises, cuts and broken bones with Metatron smugly staring down at her before vanishing as Dean coughs up blood and falls forward into Sam's arms.

_Her breath comes out in pants, as her head feels like it suddenly weighs a ton, her body starts to flush as if burning at a 100 degree Celsius, vision blurring with tears that also burn and her heart starts to beat so loud that it makes her violently shake._

_It's happening again, Mariam and Sam are going to lose him again, and each time it got harder and harder to get him back. No more deals, no more tricks. This was it._

_She trembles as Sam's pleading voice sounds like it's coming from far away. As if she was submerged deep under dense water._

_"Dean… Dean. You can't do this! We were just becoming brothers again! DEAN!"_

_It all fades, but it doesn't go away. She remains in this seemingly eternally long moment suspended in her existence. She slowly topples onto the ground, now kneeling. Her legs gave up on her. She is level with the boys now._

_Desperately and weakly she manages to clutch on Dean's left hand which is covered in his own blood from touching the gaping wound in his chest._

_He looks at her… He really looks at her. Gazing deep into her soul and instead of remaining strong in his last moments like she did in the past with Sam's, she breaks. She could never lie to Dean, no matter what happens. Instead of gaining strength she loses everything in his stare._

_Without him she is weak, and as each moment passes she loses more of Dean as he drifts away._

_Until he turns his head, and she cries so much she starts to convulse and grab onto his shoulder not letting go._

_"I'm proud of us…"_

With a jolt she wakes up. She doesn't sweat, or scream or thrash or anything. Never the one to have nightmares before. Always getting 6 hours of sleep. The more tired she would be, the less she'd remember her meaningless dreams.

When it comes to Dean it's always different though, isn't it?

As a result she started sleeping less and less.

_"Come on, sweetheart… Your Dean Bean wants to play."_

_The relentless thuds of his fists onto the closed, locked door angrily echoed throughout the bunker, accompanied by the loud shrill of the blazing alarms and red lights._

_Mariam had never been so scared in her life._

_Dean Winchester, the man she loved to the moon and back. The one who could give her all the strength and motivation she needed for anything just by a simple look or touch or maybe by one of his gorgeous smiles._

_The same person frightened her to the core at this instant in time._

_All because of one simple point; she couldn't hurt him._

_She just couldn't do it no matter what he did and all he wanted to do right now was kill her._

_Not before brutally torturing and mercilessly mutilating her of course._

_"Don't be like this Mariam. You know you're family right? I love you. Now open this door beautiful. Let me come in. I just want to see you. I miss you! Come on!"_

_Each word was linked to a kick or slam to the door._

_Her room had the sturdiest doors in the bunker._

_"I want you to be as safe as possible Mariam. You're taking this room and that's final." Those were his words when we first found the place._

_Despite of the strong doors, after all, they weren't a match for a demon, let alone a Knight of Hell._

_Her worst nightmare was about to get much, much **worse**._

_With a loud bang, Demon Dean had proudly stepped in, his brown boots brushing the dust away and kicking off the pieces of the door._

_He flipped his oddly fluffy hair, which was so unlike Dean and slowly walked over to her zombiefied form with attitude and arrogance coming off of him in waves._

_"How many times do I have to tell you? I'll always find you Mariam. You can't run from me."_

_Each word brought him closer and closer to her. She was frozen to the spot._

_"You can't run from this… Who I am. Accept it."_

_He slammed both his hands against the wall, helplessly trapping her as she blankly started up at him. She hadn't slept for weeks, all she and Sam did was research, research and some more research and running around finding his Demon ass. She was out of energy._

_"Did you hear me? ACCEPT IT. I'm a demon. Your Dean's a demon."_

_Watching his eyes flash raven caused a spark to rise in her, fire burning strong. Mariam was no wounded animal._

_"You, are nothing but demon filth. You are not Dean. Nor will you ever will be. Did YOU hear ME? You son of a bitch."_

_That line cost her a broken nose, as her head flew to the side._

_He squeezed her chin in his rough, strong hands. The same ones that would hold her up when she needed it, make her food, play with her hair. Always so delicately and sweetly. This time he was hurting her. He gave a psychotic tight lipped smile as he said, "Oh but I am Mariam. I'm the new and improved version. With zero guilt. Who takes care of himself and himself only, that's what you always tell me to do isn't it? You have to put yourself first Dean, we need you to be okay." He mocked her voice at the end of it._

_"Fuck you… I have nothing else to say to you. You're not Dean AT ALL. You called Baby just a car. You hate pie and burgers. You're trying to kill your own brother. You act like a baby with gay hair. You're a freaking cliche villain that's not even original."_

_He kept punching and punching, this time not stopping. Her head flew from one side to the other. Until she couldn't hold herself up anymore and weakly slid down the wall._

_He made her look up at him and she smirked, chuckling at him, blood dripping from the corners of her mouth._

_"What are you gonna do? Kill me?"_

_Truth be told, deep down she was scared shirtless, not of death. It wouldn't be the first time she died. Supernatural world yo, get with the times! She was more frightened of the thought of Dean having to live with the fact that he put an end to her and possibly Sam, but she absolutely did not show it. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction._

_"Oh darling that's a dumb question. You're supposed to be smarter than that. Am I making you uncomfortable?"_

_She just glared at him through the pain._

_"Like I said, you're a typical, boring bad guy. Fucking pathetic."_

_"You don't get to call me pathetic Mariam."_

_With that said, he let go and let her roughly crumble to the ground groaning in pain and cursing him._

_"I was thinking about scooping your pretty brown eye balls out and squishing them with my shoes Kill Bill style, or you know what? Maybe I should just pluck each and every one of your luscious long hair. What do you say?"_

_She coughed out some blood in response. Her sight was blurring, she had lost too much already. After all it was her blood that was being used in curing him._

_"That's exactly what I thought."_

_Her vision had dark spots and the last thing she saw was Dean hearing Sam's voice and running out, as she slipped into unconsciousness._

The Mark of Cain had to go and _soon_ …


	2. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariam finds herself in the Supernatural universe one day and her life is forever changed and intertwined with the Winchester boys. Having feelings for Dean which she hadn't confessed, she saves him from his demons by calling them upon herself. Sometimes you have to hold on and let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone you recognize. I just own my OC.

Mariam was drying up his short hair with one of her favorite towels with an owl on it. A gift from her mother who she loved very much and missed every single day.

Dean's hair now smelt like men's perfume. You know those really good ones, that even though you're a girl, you just want to wear? Dean's conditioner smelt just like that. Absolutely perfect. She decided she loved it and would sneakily use it when he gets a new bottle soon. It was so … Dean. Anything Dean was perfect she lovingly pondered.

His head had fallen back as he relaxed following their light hearted argument and his soft lips were pulled into a relaxed almost smile. While the wrinkles of worry on his forehead were gone, he really was calm. His long lashes lightly brushed against his cheek as he breathed, slowly, in and out. She just wanted to bury her head into his neck, take his scent in and stay like that forever. Cuddling him and never letting him go. Knowing that he's safe in her arms and sight. No demons haunting him, in nightmares, or his own reflection.

The wretched mark remained though, didn't it? It was peeking through his pulled up green jacket sleeves… She slowly removed her hands, detangling her interlocked fingers with his warm and wet hair and used her right hand to lightly brush against the mark.

It was raised, and angrily pink.

A tear dripped out of her left eye and fell on his dark wash, faded blue jeans, creating a wet spot there.

She knew what she had to do.

It was finally time. Sam was asleep in his room, snoring off. She had read him one of the research books and he had drifted off. She would do that sometimes. When his eyes would be red, and puffy from all the exhaustion.

Dean was obviously out of it. Cas was in Heaven, doing his own end of our research. She had drawn an anti angel symbol on the bedroom door just in case. It was hidden behind a kitty poster.

All her ducks were in order so to say, well except for herself.

She had to get Dean into bed first and she couldn't exactly pick him up, so she lightly nudged his shoulders, sniffling her tears away.

"Bean… Bean. Come on get up, love."

He just stirred and groaned. Shifting and finding the chair uncomfortable. She darkly chuckled at the situation.

Even when she was about to do what she was about to do, she was still making sure he was comfortable before leaving.

She had really fallen for this man. Damn.

"Bean… Don't you want a proper bed? With fluffy blankets?"

That got him up, stumbling around, water droplets hanging loosely in his hair.

She held onto his arm, and looked up at his sleepy, beautiful face smiling.

"You can sleep in my room, no need to walk all the way to yours alright?"

He just hummed in approval, and fell face down on her bed, off to dreamland right away.

She plopped down on the bed, and turned him so that he was now facing her. Hugging him as she silently bawled her eyes out. She haven't cried this much since that night when he was stabbed by Metatron.

Mariam really didn't want to leave, but she knew she had to.

Dean would never forgive her for what she is about to do and would try real fucking hard to reverse it. She would end up losing his trust and it would break him even further. Still she convinced herself that it was the right call to make, she has to leave, and never come back again.

He would miss her, so would Sam and Cas. That's the price she has to pay. At least he wouldn't have to be afraid of himself any longer.

He wouldn't have to look at himself in the mirror and fight with who he was turning into. A war that raged on inside of him. That stood against every damn thing he believed in.

She knows that's what he would have done for her. There's no other way. She didn't see any other hope of losing the Mark once and for all. Her mind was firmly set.

The owl shaped clock in her room ticked, and tocked. It felt like it was getting louder and louder. Her ear drums were pounding along with her racing heart beat.

With her right arm, she reached across the bed, picking up her phone. The same one from her home universe. The book she was reading to Sam, she had torn out a page from it. A page that contained the spell, the spell that could transfer the Mark of Cain from one person to another, as long as the person is not Cain himself.

Cain could only give someone the mark as long as he still bears it, but this one would cut-paste it off, not copy-paste it.

She had burnt the original page, but not before taking various clear pictures of it. Saved on her iPhone, iPad, laptops, and flash drives. In case her memory is compromised and she needs to revisit it.

She had made sure the boys would never be able to find it. It was the only place it existed. It was destiny how she had found it first and not Sam. We all know Sam would've taken it, and Mariam couldn't have that, known it would kill Dean even more to see his baby brother Sammy go through that.

She pulled out the angel blade Cas had gifted her a while ago. It was his own, he wanted her to have something of his as a token of his love and trust, she was after all like family to him.

She then cut a long diagonal line across her arm and lightly hissed at the stinging, the blood splattered onto the glass she strategically placed underneath it. All the while reading the Latin verses. Her arm started to glow. Right in the place where the mark would be.

Still set on her mission with minimal hesitation, she continued to do what the symbols asked her to.

She had to hold onto Dean's marked arm, and not let go until the mark successfully transferred.

She also made sure Dean wouldn't feel anything as he would wake up and stop her otherwise.

Firmly she held onto his hand with her eyes closed. Feeling the burning sensations intensify, her brows furrowed and her body started to shake and sweat as veins appeared all over her arm.

The mark was slowly disappearing from Dean's skin and with a sizzle it burned onto hers.

Memories flashed through her closed eyes.

_"Hey Bean. Woah dude! Take it easy!" She breathed out as she tried to steady the big and tall beautiful man, but failed to do so due to her shorter stature and skinny fat body._

_Dean just glared at her in response while holding onto his crutches again with disdain._

_"Son of a bitch! I hate hospitals! I hate broken legs! I FRIGGIN' HATE WITCHES! And I need a God damn beer."_

_"Heh. Dean, you sound like a pissed off toddler. If they could make sense."_

_"You shut your mouth!"_

_It made her giggle when Dean did that to Sam next._

_"It's alright Dean. Just a couple more weeks and you'll be in ass-kicking shape!"_

_He just grunted in response and slipped until she grabbed him by his shoulders._

_"BEAN! Stop rushing everything."_

_"It's these damn crutches!" He yelled in frustration._

_She sighed and gave them to Sam who raised an eyebrow in confusion._

_"Take these Ham! I'm going to hold onto him. He's gonna fall and smash his face otherwise. Here. I've got you, and I'm never ever letting you 're my one and only Bean."_

_He was still pouting all the way to Baby._

_"Don't give me that look Dean. I'm not driving, Mariam is." Sam's bitch face was in full on action._

_"Thank goodness. I still wish I could though." He breathed out in apparent relief._

_"Yeah, that sure sucks. I'm also gonna miss your cooking. I don't really enjoy eating Ham's grassy food." She made floating quotation marks at the word food._

_"It's not grass, it's just not unneeded fat." His bitch face intensified._

_"It's grass. You moose. Now shut it! I want to hear my music."_

_"Damn straight! That's my girl!" Dean proudly grinned at her through the windshield._

_Sam just rolled his eyes and brightly smiled as the sounds of "Turn The Page" by Metallica filled the car._

_She was the only one who could have Dean listen to newer songs from her phone and not gank somebody. Also the only one he fully trusted with Baby._

"I'm never letting you go, Dean. I love you."

And so it was done.

The sizzling died down leaving the mark behind in all it's dark and menacing glory It reminded her of all the horrible things that happened to them in the past few months.

And then you let go…

Dean shifted and her heart skipped a beat, as her eyes flew open in panic. Only to see him turn to the other side clutching her owl shaped pillow plushie close to his chest as he innocently breathed out.

"Mariam…" Only to nuzzle his face deeper into the furry owls kawaii face.

That is when her heart both broke and came alive at the same exact time. She knew she had done the right thing.

Now comes the hardest to live with but easiest to do part.

The exit.

She packed all her essential belongings, but left the decorations, and other things she didn't really need from the bunker.

The bunker was home away from her true home. Her second home. Her first was taken from her. This one she had to let go of by her own hands. She erased the angel prevention symbol before she left and put the kitty poster back in place

Then she made her way to the sleeping form of Dean Winchester and kissed his forehead as a final goodbye.

"I'm incomplete without you by my side. Please don't hate me for this, Dean. I love you more than anything and anyone I've ever loved."

Then Mariam headed out with keys to her own Baby clutched tightly in her closed fists. Before existing the bunker, she stopped by Sam's room and held his hand for a couple of moments.

"I'll miss you so much Samoose."

Sam and Cas will forever be her best friends, her heart broke knowing she wouldn't be able to say goodbye to the angel.

Leaving his room, she went out the main door. Her DB9 was parked outside instead of the garage which made a lot of noise. Before getting into your car, se saw that Dean left the Impala out as well, so she went to it, and lovingly caressed the hood.

"I'll miss you too Baby. This is where it all started from me and this is also where it ends."

Everything was a blur afterwards, packing her stuff into my truck, driving away. It all breezed through. It is as if she had died. Her soul remained in a certain Winchesters heart, her happiness floated around the Baby and the bunker.

She was just a figment of who she used to be and with the mark burned onto her arm, She'll hate herself even more, that was something she knew was inevitable.

_The thick trees of the forest whizzed by the windows to her left and to her right as the beloved Impala roared through the highway._

_Dean wanted the windows rolled down, as the weather was nice and cool._

_So the wind whizzed her long dark hair back and forth, even Sam's infamous hair flew into his eyes._

_All three of them had giant smiles planted on their lips._

_Sam and Dean were casually conversing and arguing about something stupid that she zoned out from after a while._

_The three of them were so content in the moment. She didn't want it ever end._

_She was pulled out from her thoughts as Dean smacked Sam in the head and turned around making her chuckle at their antics._

_His boyish grin made everything alright._

_Saving people, hunting things, the family business._

_That was her life now and she freaking loved it._

_She knew she wouldn't have it any other way._

Mariam flew out of Lebanon, Kansas, going faster than she had ever taken her car. Pushing it to the limit. No music blaring like she usually would have. Just her, the purring engine, and the road.

She was holding on and letting go...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know if you want me to continue x


	3. Seek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So sorry I haven't updated on here in so so long! This is a fic I wrote years ago on Tumblr as a reader fic! I'm in uni now and don't have time :( I copy pasted the next parts on here though, I haven't edited them to be more OC friendly. It's still a you based/reader . Hope that's okay!

His eyes flutter open, he feels like he weighs a thousand kilos less. This was the best sleep he's ever gotten since he was a young child. When his late mother used to sing him the beautiful lyrics to "Hey Jude". He feels content, relaxed and most of all; he feels safe. Like he is protected from all the threats of the world, and that is a rare feeling for Dean Winchester.

The second he sits up on the plush mattress, his eyes settle on the giant blue and green vase resting on her nicely decorated white shelf.

"Mariam…" he breathes out with a bright grin. As if that one name explains everything that he is experiencing. Memories of her tenderly washing his hair fills his mind.

"She must've tucked me in…" He thinks and his heart warms up. The things she does for him. He always notices, even though he doesn't always show it.

Then his brows furrow and heart leaps out of his chest, but not in a good way. He hasn't felt this way in a long time. In fact he's been at his worst ever since he's gotten the Mark of Cain.

He anxiously gulps as the possibilities race through his head and immediately pulls up his shirt sleeve, and his worst fear comes true.

"Sonuvabitch…" he gruffly mutters.

Rubbing the sleep out of his jaw and eyes, he didn't know what was going on right now. It is all so sudden and unexpected.

You would think he would be bouncing off the walls in joy after finally losing it with zero pain to add, but every single thing comes for a price though and being a Winchester, he knew that better than anyone.

His first action after jumping out of the thick, plush blankets was to find Sam.

He bursts into the younger brother's room only to find crumpled sheets folded over and an empty bed.

"Sam! SAMMY!" he yelled checking every room of the house, even the library hoping he was doing some research on his laptop there as usual only to find every inch of the Bunker empty, and not only that. There was no Mariam to be found anywhere.

"Sammy! Mariam! Dammit where the hell are you two?" He picks up Baby's keys from his room, puts on one of his jackets and is about to dash out of the door the exact moment when Sam comes in dressed in his running clothes, drenched in sweat, and drinking from a water bottle.

"Hey where are you going so early in the morning?" he raises his right eyebrow in a skeptical look.

There is a tense silence hanging in the air for a second, until it snaps when Dean pushes Sam into the wall, his water bottle tumbles and meets the ground with a loud thud.

"Dean! What the-"

"What did you do? Huh what the heck did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO GOD DAMMIT?!" his green eyes are wild with have pain coursing through them.

"Calm down… Just calm down Dean. We can talk it out, whatever's happened. It's okay." Sam manages to gasp out even though he doesn't have much air to breathe in to begin with. He's all worn out from the jog.

"Don't speak to me like I'm not myself Sam. That's not a problem anymore. Thanks to you. What the hell did you get yourself into?" he pushes again, and this time Sam shoves him back.

"Would you stop that and just talk to me! For God's sake Dean! What is it? I don't understand-" he brushes his wet hair back in bewilderment.

"The mark! I don't have it anymore. I don't know how you did it, but it's gone. IT'S FRIGGIN' GONE!" he exclaims like a mad man, he's so close to losing it.

Dean holds his arm out for Sam to see with his own eyes, just plain skin.

It really is gone…

The taller brother's eyes widen so much they start to bulge. He audibly breathes out, trying to get himself together.

"Listen… Dean. You've got to believe me, I woke up today" he pauses to take in air, shaking his head, "put on my lame sweats as you like to call them, and went for a run. As much as I wanted it gone, I'm not the one you should be thanking. Besides you know it's not as simple as a single deal anymore" he calmly explains classic Sam style.

"That's what worries me, Sammy. If you didn't do it then…"

Sam sees Deans face pale.

"Dean-" He tries.

"Where's Mariam?" Sam first blinks in confusion until he puts two and two together.

"You don't… You're not saying she… I mean it could be Cas."

"Cas is in heaven, Sam and it's not like him at all to do something this big without letting us know."

Sam silently agrees and sighs, "how did Mariam manage to do this? You and I both know it's nearly impossible."

"You mean it was impossible," he shakes his Mark free arm to make his point, "It's almost like I never had it. Whatever she's done, it was perfect and-"

"Everything has a price," he darkly chuckles, "As Winchesters that sort of comes with the package."

"Her car wasn't out back like it was last night when I headed out today."

"She couldn't have gotten that far. Come on. Let's move before it's too late."

And so the two brothers leave, side by side. Jumping into the Impala just like they have a million times before. Them against the world.

Four hours have passed since you left the Bunker. Four hours since you got the Mark. You've been driving non-stop since then. Only stopped once for gas, and instead of getting something to drink and munch on while waiting, you immediately flew out, back on the road again.

You finally see the sign you've been waiting for and sigh. Loosening your tight grip on the steering wheel.

**"Kansas City"**

After a short while of slow driving compared to the high speeds you were going by on the highways earlier. You park at a cozy looking local cafe, it's a little over 7 AM and people are seated inside sipping on their warm beverages.

You calmly walked in with power oozing through your body every step of the way, effect of the Mark.

A long line later you have successfully joined the pack, and are now enjoying your chocolatey drink with less coffee and more fatty (and delicious as fuck XD) parts.

The Mark hasn't effected your food choices you noted, it actually enhanced your senses and palate.

While waiting for Linda to bring you the cheque, you scroll down your To-Do list on your phone. A girls gotta stay organized, especially with a task as grave as the one currently on hand.

**\- Find someone whose soul is due tonight**

You proudly smirk as you've found just the perfect person in Chicago.

Even though, this is the biggest thing you have ever done, you are doing it for your beloved Team Free Will. Ridding Dean of the Mark was just the beginning. You have to ensure their safety for good and doing this for the Winchesters is obviously not a simple duty, but they have done and continue to do so much for you. This is the least you could do to ever repay them. Not that you were obliged to of course. They will murder you once they find out about this, but you're dying anyways right?

You always tried to do anything and everything you could for your family and friends back home and this is your second and only family. You are damned now regardless, better go down knowing that your loved ones are finally happy and living the lives they truly deserve. You couldn't do that for Mary and John, not even Henry. Now you have a chance to make it better, _much_ better. You hope that if they know of your plans and actions so far that they would approve of them someday.

Most of all, you hope this plan works. It is truly an ambitious one. Probably the most bizarre idea ever. You have a feeling though, a strong intuition that this can and will work.

You stop at a gas station in St Louis. One of your close friends is from here, you smile at the thought of your past. Happy that the Mark hasn't changed too much yet. Except for this yearning for blood. Which feels like an itch you can't scratch. You would get all warm inside, and shake a bit seeing certain people. People you didn't like for some trivial reason. You wanted to plunge Castiel's angel blade into this annoying brunette's gut earlier on the road for driving too slow in front of you and killing your buzz. That sounds pretty normal, but when you literally mean it, not so much. It gets you furious knowing you're trying to muffle this part of you.

You go into to the tiny Gas 'n Sip store after filling in your Baby. It feels so strange and empty doing this alone. It's not like you never went on hunts on your own, or road trips. You just stopped to get gas at the same time as Sam and Dean. Getting out and joking around on who's going in to get Pie and Sam's "healthy snacks". Childishly arguing for what seemed like hours, and then finally all deciding to go in together and getting everything at once. Later sitting in the Impala devouring all of the chips, and sometimes Oreos that would make you and Dean sick, but didn't stop you from finishing the packet (as much as Sam advised against it).

You three would then spend way more time there than needed if the hunt allowed it. Never admitting it, but knowingly stalling. These little light moments provided some symptomatic relief to all the blood, guilt, and tears. All the loss, the anger, and the hate that contaminated your veins. A little break didn't hurt, did it?

Now you are all by yourself. You go through the aisles, not knowing what to get. You eventually settle for a Mango juice bottle from a brand that you always buy and head out of the building making the door ring behind you.

You calmly sip on the fruity beverage as you continue driving going back on the highway. Four more hours to go.

It is roughly 3 PM when you're finally in the Windy City. You pay the valet at the hotel a little extra so you can park your own Baby, not trusting anyone else to treat him right. You are so tired and want to take a quick nap before making your way to the victim's (if you can even call her that) house.

The woman goes by the name Lyda Brentwood, 33. Single mother, has a 10 year old son. Owned a shitty modeling agency that was suddenly bought for 500,000 dollars, 10 years ago (Shady much? You thought so too).

Even with the sudden increase in money she hasn't done anything beneficial for her life, she lives in a beautiful, well-built house in a good neighborhood, her kid goes to a nice private school, but other than that, her cash goes into bags, shoes, and jewelry.

Shaking your head in disappointment. You finally make it to your room, which is very cozy and has a nice fluffy bed (you tested it by laying on it first thing as usual). You shower and jump into the thick covers, letting much needed, dreamless sleep wash over you.

When you awaken, its 9 PM already, your two hour nap alarm failed to get through to you. Initially, you freak out, but then calm down knowing you still have a couple of hours till midnight. With no further time to waste, you are ready to go within an hour and a half and back in the driving seat.

Your cover for the night, was to pose as her cousin Marissa. She's actually dead, but Lyda has no idea about that. That's how fucked up her relationship with her family is. Her mother always nagged her to be closer to her younger cousin, but she never listened. How do you know this? Well the Moose isn't the only one who can do research, or stalk. How is the plan going to work? Well, her mother is the most annoying person on earth according to Lyda, at least that's what she tells her friends anyways. Records indicate she rarely ever even answers the old lady. Even though she is so weak, she's nearing death. So she will just expect that one of her recent calls, must have been about Marissa paying her a visit tonight. She would never call her to confirm as her mother would kill her for ignoring her, and she would never refuse her "cousin" to stay over for the night as then her mother would kill her for that too.

It was a foolproof mission, all you have to do, is get there and play your part right.

You step out the car dressed in one of your favorite medium length dresses, fit and flare, elegantly blush pink, shoulder length sleeves, and lace patterns drawn onto it. But instead of equally light and pretty shoes, you chose dark black Louboutins. You strut to the pretty, cream colored home's main entrance, the blood red soles of your heels glinting in the night lights with dangerous promise.

You fix up your black hair, which cascades down adorned in old Hollywood-esque loose waves and ring the doorbell.

After a few noises of scuffle and muffled sounds, the door springs open.

"Hi! Can I help you with something?"

"Well, yes I'm actually he-" you start with your nice and shy act only to get cut off, rather rudely.

"Oh you must be the new neighbor then! You sure are gorgeous. Aren't you a bit short to be a model though? Petite model maybe?"

You are a little above 5'2", so you've never been called a model before. Though your legs were not thick or anything, they were pretty normal, toned from all the walking and running you did on hunts. You were bow legged too but not severely, that was something the fashion industry frowned upon.

You sigh as you think you could've easily pretended to be the neighbor, if you only knew. But that would've been much riskier.

"Oh no, I'm Marissa. Aunt Rita must've mentioned I was arriving tonight? I really hate to trouble you like this, but I need to stay in the city for the night, and your mother said I could stay so-" You ramble on purpose, keeping up the act. Inwardly enjoying the shocked expressions flying on and away from her face in a matter of seconds.

"Oh Marissa! Right… Right. Mom did call me two days ago. Of course you can stay! Come on in, sweetheart" Her fake sweet demeanor is laughable, but you smile at it still in character.

"Thank you so much it's just for one night, and I'll be out of your hair pretty soon." Not that you would want to be in her hair anyways, I mean… Ugh look at it. It's all bleached and oddly bright red, definitely not suiting her skin tone.

"Oh don't worry about it honey! Stay as long as you like" Yeah, over your dead body or should you say, over hers. "Here come meet my son, Flynn."

A young boy slowly steps out from one of the hallways. "Oh he's a shy one, isn't he?" You ask.

"Yes he is, say hi Flynn! Come on baby don't be rude." He just stares on to you like he was scared.

Normally kids would love you. Not that you're the cliche "good with kids" girl, 'cause honestly you aren't at ALL. Being the youngest in your family, you have zero experience with kids. Some of them didn't like you, but kids were never scared of you. Young children and animals, they were always easily trusting and comfortable with you. Your eyes drift down to the beautiful shade of the blush sleeves that are currently covering the Mark from sight. You know that this sudden change of aura is a direct result of the scar- courtesy of the Father of Murder.

You spent the next two hours conversing about mindless things over coffee (terrible coffee). That was partially your problem though, as you don't drink alcohol and she didn't have anything better to offer. Now it was exactly an hour before midnight, and you know for a fact that hellhounds are never even a second late. So you excused yourself to the room you'd be staying in and got to work.

Getting the printed notes from your handbag, you begin to spread them on the bed. You stop as your hear a knocking sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow or hit me up on Tumblr! nostalgic-uncertainty


	4. Tumble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This is the last chapter I wrote all those years ago XD I haven't really continued this though I planned it all before. I read through this and realized how much I sucked back then, so many writing mistakes. If I ever continue this, I'll go back and fix my lameness. If you guys want me to continue hit me up and I just might cause I love you ;D Thanks for reading!

"Marissa?" Lyda's voice was light coming through the thick wooden door.

"Just a second! I'm changing, I'll be right out." You mindlessly shout out, still going through the lore.

There's a click and she enters in, you didn't lock because you didn't expect she would unless something went wrong and by the angrily scared look on her face, that had come true.

"Who the hell are you?" She yells at me trying to appear strong. It's so pathetic, to the new you, it just made her more of the prey and you the predator.

"Ah, so you finally answered mother dearest's calls?" Wow that is such a typical villain move. But it feels so good and well right. No wonder.

"I asked who the fuck are you?!" Her volume escalates along with her masked fear that you can easily see across.

"I'm definitely not Marissa, but you knew that already. I should probably add a hashtag captain obvious here."

That sets her off and she brandishes the large kitchen knife she had hidden on the side in fear.

"Don't come any closer or I swear to God I'll hurt you… Whoever you are get the fuck off my property!" Her threat cracks you up, and you throw your head back and let it all out.

"Your property you say? The one you paid for by using the shitloads of money you earned by selling your damn soul?" Your dark tone makes her shake as she tries to sputter out a response.

"How… How do you know about that?"

"Let's not even go there Fuzzy Lumpkins." You took a breath, silently praying for patience to deal with this idjit. "I'm Mariam. Can't say it's nice to meet you. We are running short of time and there's a lot I need to-"

She jumps in front of you trying to shove you back, but you immediately pin her to the wall, hitting a drawer and knocking off a few things.

"Listen to me and listen carefully. I will not repeat this again. Understood?" She whimpers and tries to squirm, the knife in her hand comes to the surface as she futilely tries to stab your side with it.

You snatch it out of her clenched fist and hold it against her neck as she screams out.

"Shut the fuck up, you incompetent bitch and hear me out before I lose it!" You yell getting more and more irritated with her by the second. Time was of the essence her.

The blade against her throat fixed her bird brain for about it seems, because she's quiet now. Good. That calmed you down a bit as well.

"You made a deal ten years ago, and now it's time for the giveaway. Your soul is up darling. A being known as a hellhound, basically what it says on the tin; a rather large dog from hell, which is also invisible, will visit to chow down your insides to mush." Hot tears begin to plop down onto your fingers as she sobbed hard.

"I hope it was worth it, though leaving your son to foster homes probably wouldn't be."

Seems like you two spent way too much time running around in circles because you heard a long growl go through the distance. You jumped into fighter mode.

With a borderline psychotic grin, you excitedly exclaimed "We're up! Come on, love."

Dropping the knife and stepping away from her, you start to get out a medium sized salt container from one of your large bags. Hoping it has enough salt, you pour it around in a circle instructing her to get in the middle of it.

You must have made quite the impression on Lyda, because she followed orders right away. No lame protests. So you gave her a harder than necessary pat on the shoulder with a smirk for her cooperation.

Putting on your hellhoundfied glasses, courtesy of Sam. You head out the room and into the living room with a bounce in your step, where a large balcony door was wide open.

"How convenient." You wryly thought with a snicker.

"Come on you cute little puppy. Where are ya? Don't make mommy wait now." Yup, still going through with the cliche bad guy routine. Words were coming out of your mouth. You decided it was enjoyable so why stop?

After a few useless minutes of waiting with nothing to do, you were scrolling down tumblr, reblogging this video of a cat interrupting a german weatherman on TV demanding meows.

"You should learn something from this kitty, mutt! I'd love it if you interrupt me right now, I'll give you free cuddles."

That's when you see it. You hear a violent purr and observe the grey outlines of it approaching. Getting out your angel blade, you spring into action. Only to see Lyda running into the living room. Making you inwardly face palm to oblivion.

The hell dog jumps into the house, and you lunge at it on all fours like an animal. Holding onto its fur, it scratches your thigh while trying to regain its balance. You howl in pain, but continue to hold onto it, until it shakes you off, making you fly into the wall, a painting falling over your head. Ouch.

While you are temporality KO-ed, it jumps on Lyda, whose screams echo across the room.

With strength you never possessed before, you yank the giant dog and throw it to the side, stabbing it in the heart, its dying body drenching you in its dark blood.

Reciting the memorized Latin verse, you feel a burn go through your body and yell out for what seems a minute or two.

When the throbbing pain stops, it's just your aching muscles and thigh wound that stings. Which is not a problem at all.

Lyda on the other end, is bleeding profusely from all four limbs and her stomach. The mutt got her good.

"So what's gonna happen now, to me?" She whispers and gulps heavily, trying to get through the blinding pain she must be feeling.

"You're gonna die from your wounds, I can get you to the hospital now and you might as well be saved." Her face lights up with renewed hope until you crush it mercilessly with "But I won't. Why should I bother? You think this is the only mutt they're gonna send after you? It's inevitable and honestly hun you got it comin'"

"I have a son, please." She brokenly begs.

"Yes you do, you did ten years ago too. You didn't think of the consequences then? So face it and pay the price."

"Flyn…" Her eyes direct behind you, and you turn around, to come face to face with the young broken soul.

You had completely forgotten that he was still there. He has just seen an invisible growing being shred his mother to bits, while a stranger who scares him looming over her and refusing to provide help. He is watching his mom die and that's all it is to you. Just words, they don't mean anything.

You know you should feel, you remember the feeling, but you just can't bring yourself to experience any sort of empathy towards them. You have become a purely selfish being, who only cared about her loved ones and didn't bat an eyelash over everybody else. You were officially a monster and if this doesn't stamp it, then what you are about to do next, most certainly will.

"Lyda… You are going to say you killed them. Do you hear me? You're the one who slaughtered this hell hound."

"What I don't…" She tried hard to breathe from the injuries and tears. "I don't know what you-"

"They're going to come for you… The demons. I can't have them knowing I was here, that I killed this thing. You have to take the fall. It's okay. You're gonna expire soon anyways."

Her breath starts to come off in pants until she was struggling and gasping for air.

"I scattered print outs of Hell Hound lore all over the bed in your guest room, just to show that you did your research."

Her chest heaves as blood begins to bubble up, pouring out of her mouth. Must've punctured her lung, poor thing.

"Bummer, I guess you won't be around that long. Well then" You turn around chin in hand. "You will have to do."

Walking over to Flynn hearing his mother's gasps pace up as you get closer and closer to his tiny, shaking form.

Until you finally hear them die down, literally.

Taking off the glasses you are wearing, you tenderly slide them on the young boy's cute little button nose.

"Heh. They suit you. You're going to be quite the looker when you grow up." You ruffle his hair as if you just gave him a piece of candy and then you were gone.

He bursts into the bunker, flying down the stairs with Sam in tow.

"Dean…We're gonna find h-" He softly tries for the billionth time to be through to his elder brother only to get cut off.

"Shut your damn mouth. I'm sick of hearing that. We got squat over the last friggin' month. Not even a clue, or any sign of her being aliv-" He pointed at Sam and then swung his arm away in frustration.

"Don't you dare continue that sentence Dean" He pointed back at him with his puppy dog eyes mirroring the tears in Dean's green ones. "You're right, there's nothing that points to her being okay, but there's also nothing indicating that she's not."

They had tried to locate you, but you could be anywhere in the US by now. You could've maybe made another set of fake ID's and went out of the country. Your car was alien, you were alien. There was no trace of you on paper, no proof that you even existed.

He just snickers half-heartedly in response, picking up a Beer bottle resting on top of the library table and taking a large swig from it.

"We got nothing and it's all my fault Sammy." His voice wavers and breaks as tears slide down his beautiful face.

"No… You don't get to do this every time something goes wrong Dean!" Sam yells wrapped in his own anguish. "You're not the only one who cared about her, Mariam was family to the both of us-"

"You've already started using past tense, huh Sam?" He raised his eyebrow at him while taking another sip from the Beer, it was nearly finished now and it didn't even taste good to him but he kept on going. "Whatever you say, you can't deny the fact that it is because of me taking the God forsaken Mark of Cain that Mariam is not here." He kept on arguing his side, not convinced.

"If you didn't do that, Abaddon would still be around. I don't see how that would've helped." Reasoning like the lawyer he should've been, Sam firmly stands his ground as well.

Dean shakes his head as more tears roll out of his eyes. "I thought, the guilt of killing all those innocent people, of running around towns with the kingehell was bad, this is just way worse. Knowing I let Mariam do this. It's just…" His thought trails off as he walks to the fridge, to get a cold Beer this time, and sees three slices of Cherry pie in a To-Go container. The blue logo on the top instantly showed him where it was from. Hope's Diner, it's 30 minutes away from the Bunker, his favorite because even though the food there is crappy, the pie is beyond amazing especially the Cherry. It had Mariam's signature signed Post-It note on top. You would do this to cheer him up. Always bringing three slices for all of you.

_He finds the pie in the fridge sitting there next to his Beer and the grin on his face puts the Cheshire Cat to shame. His crappy day just instantly brightened up. You always managed to light up his life with the little things that seemed rather insignificant to most, but to Dean, were the most important, most needed._

_As he hurriedly puts the closed and chilled container on the table, he notices how you always brings three slices. He starts to munch away on the first one. Closing his eyes, tilting his head back and moaning loudly at the heavenly, exquisite taste._

_That's how you find him, and you can't help but smile wide._

_"_ _I just made your day, didn't I?" You casually joked._

_His eyes flew open, he had pie all over the corner of his lips, and somehow nose which made you giggle._

_"_ _I know, I'm adorable." He playfully bragged and slightly pouted with those lips that drove you crazy._

_"_ _Can't deny that, and I'm awesome."_

_"_ _Yes, you are." He raised his plastic spork in the air to prove his point. "Yes, you are." He slid the other two slices over to you, and you took a spork out of one of the packets and joined him in devouring the tastiest pie ever._

_"_ _Whydoyoubringthreeslices?" Dean's voice was muffled from his mouth stuffed with cherry goodness._

_"_ _Wha?" Yours was the same way. You could bet a thousand bucks, that crumbs were flying everywhere._

_Dean gave one of his cute one-eyebrow-raised-I'm-confused looks to you._

_You both gulped down the pie and then started to try again._

_"_ _Come again?" That was better. You were finally speaking English, or human language again._

_"_ _Why do you bring three slices?" Dean followed suit._

_"_ _Um… Well, one for each of us."_

_"_ _But Sammy doesn't eat pie. He eats-"_

_"_ _Grass, I know."_

_"_ _But then. Why?"_

_You just gave him an evil, predatory open mouthed smile. That, kind of creeped everybody out. But it was supposed to._

_"_ _Oh…" His full lips made an "oh" shape, both of his eyebrows raised._

_"_ _More for us. Cause you know, four is too much, that just r-"_

_"_ _Ruins the taste… Yup."_

_More eating like a pig noises from the both of you._

_"_ _This is exactly why you're my favorite girl!"_

As he rammed the fridge door close with all the strength he had, the remainder of his heart shattered into tiny pieces.

Before Sam could say anything to him he started praying to Castiel, again. "Dammit Sammy, we've been praying and praying, the winged sonuvabitch just won't friggin' show. Does he not care? You know how much Mariam loves us, loves you." He flings one of the chairs to the lamps with a shout of agony as he then slides down on the ground with his head in his hands. "Please… Cas… Just get here man… We can't do this on our own… Please. We need help… We need help God dammit."

Sam couldn't stop the tears pouring out from his light eyes, seeing his big brother break like this… It was even worse than losing Mariam. They had to find you and quick.

The next two days were hell, well even more so than usual. The brothers rarely spoke with words, and more with noises and gestures.

Until the third night, Sam burst into Dean's room, laptop open in his right hand.

He shot up in his bed, files from infinite research scattering off his lap as a result. Not even bothering to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Hiya Sammy…What is it?" He tried his best to sound leveled but he was freaking out and no one knew that better than his baby brother.

"It's not pretty Dean…I don't even know how to say it…"

Silence ensued for a while, both pairs of eyes staring forward, breathing hard.

He gives his laptop over…

**_Fatal car crash last night in Kansas City_ **

_"_ _Unidentified young woman found dead at the scene. Lone car on the road at the time. The vehicle, an Aston Martin DB9 with license plate MAK625, was speeding and had tragically collided into the railing at the corner of the highway, the car was reportedly thrown into an adjacent road, which was thankfully also relatively empty, due to the late time of the incident. Other cars on the road were unharmed._

_Car is almost unrecognizable, it was a horrible accident. Authorities are now investigating the event, and finding out more about the woman involved."_


End file.
